Ignore all those queued-up masochists dead set on rugby-scrumming each other over Black Friday — a k a when your friendly neighborhood big box stores turn into killing fields.
You, friend, are smarter. You are waiting a full 72 hours after Thanksgiving to indulge your shopaholism online during Cyber Monday, where travel deals will be especially on tap.
Fifty percent off over here, $500 resort credits over there — not only can e-booking your next trip to Pago Pago from the comfort of your favorite beanbag chair save you big-time bucks, but you can totally do it without pants. Last we heard, Walmart's greeters frown on that.
So exercise a little restraint and patience for a change, sit back, watch some football, and twerk that turkey all nice and slow-like — Dec. 2 will be here soon enough when, in your best vocal tribute to The Bangles, you can sing: "It's just another magic Monday!"
Or not. Just don't miss any of these 36 vacation deals from near, far, and everywhere in between. Why 37? Why not? Prices are per room, per night, unless otherwise noted. Enjoy!
St. Maarten
45% off at the Dutch side's all-inclusive twinies, Sonesta Maho Beach Resort & Casino (fam-friendly) and Sonesta Great Bay Beach Resort, Casino & Spa (adults-only), when you use code BFSALE by 11:59 p.m. Cyber Monday. Good for stays now through mid-December 2014, you need to book a minimum of five nights for travel through April 20, and four nights min. for stays after that. Reduced rates start from $146pp at Maho, $154pp at Great Bay (sonesta.com/stmaarten).
Guatemala
35% off at luxe-y lakeside Casa Palopo (as low as $91) — take a goggled dip in your front yard, otherwise known as Lago de Atitlán; they just found a sunken Mayan city hiding on its 1,000-feet-deep floor, dontcha know! — when you stay May 1-June 30, Sept. 1-Oct. 31 (for all you Day of the Dead heads). Mention "Cyber Offer" when you email to book: reservations@casapalopo.com by Dec. 2.
San Diego
$100 credit, a casita upgrade and — oh yeah, they went there — daily juice upgrades (home-made, ya'll) at Rancho Valencia Resort & Spa when you DM them on Twitter, @RanchoValencia, this Cyber Monday. Valid for stays Dec. 1-23 (ranchovalencia.com).
Honduras
50% off rooms at the Lodge at Pico Bonito — where birders follow tweets the old-fashioned way! — when you book Monday. Valid for travel through Dec. 20 of next year (picobonito.com).
Palm Desert, Calif.
30% off rooms at the frond-fond JW Marriott Desert Springs Resort & Spa when you book anytime on Cyber Monday (24 hour window, starting at 12 a.m. their time) using code DOD,which we assume has nothing to do with the military-industrial complex. Or does it? Travel Dec. 3-22, Jan. 2-12; rez's are non-refundable (marriott.com).
Phoenix
$199 special holiday rate at the Historic Hotels of America-membered Royal Palms, at the pedicured toe of Camelback Mountain, including a free room upgrade, $25 Alvadora spa credit, a $25 T. Cook's dining credit and two "garden-to-glass" cocktails in The Mix Up Bar (royalpalmshotel.com).
Riviera Maya
50% off at the super-private residentialish Esencia Estate, set on 50 acres of Mexican god country, when you book a non-refundable stay — good through Dec. 20 of next year — this Monday (hotelesencia.com).
Cancun
30% off at the salt-of-the-earth (or, at least, salt-of-your-marg) CasaMagna Marriott Resort, with its humble rooms going for as little as $90, when using promo code 16C. Good for travel Dec. 3-April 12, book by Dec. 2 (casamagnacancun.com).
Peru
20% off at the JW Marriott Cusco, in all its 11,154-feet-above-sea-level, 5-star glory — as low as $204. Good for stays Jan. 2-March 3. Use promo code I24 when booking; do so by Dec. 2 (jwmarriottcusco.com).
Stowe
Up to 62% off when you buy one night at Mount Mansfield-plotted Topnotch and add a consecutive Monday night stay for only $125. Or, stay Monday alone for only $195 (40% off). What Topnotch lacks in modest nomenclature, it makes up for in spa-gasms — 30 treatment rooms fill a 35,000 square foot spa space. Good for stays through June 6, 2014 (topnotchresort.com).
Photo: Topnotch
The Bahamas
Buy four, get five nights on the private, family-owned Kamalame Cay, sitting pretty right off the northeastern coast of Andros. Book by EOD Monday, travel through March 31 of next year; and no combining with other offers, you (kamalame.com).
Tucson
50% off all-inclusive rates (get your three "hearty" daily meals and kiddie programs, here) when you book at least four nights at the Mild Wild West-themed Tanque Verde Ranch by EOD Cyber Monday. Valid for stays Nov. 29-March 10. Guests have already started booking this deal as of Black Friday, so giddy up (tanqueverderanch.com).
Nationwide
20% to 40% off rooms at more than 500 Starwood properties in our greater hemispherical 'hood when you book their Cyber Monday special through Dec. 6 (good for stays through Jan. 26 at their hotels; through April 27 at their resorts). Sample rate sales start from $169 at Sheraton Kauai, $79 at the Westin Lake Las Vegas Resort & Spa, $190 at the Westin St. John Resort & Villas, $169 at the Westin Diplomat Resort & Spa, $129 a the Westin Snowmass Resort, $87 at Sheraton New Orleans, $95 at Sheraton Chicago and $159 at the Westin St. Francis San Francisco on Union Square (spg.com/cybermonday).
Dominican Republic
40% off Casa Bonita in Barahona, which happily calls the sole biosphere reserve in the DR its next door neighbor, when you book one of its cabanas on Monday — it's only got a dozen of them in total! Valid for travel through Dec. 20, 2014 (casabonitadr.com).
New York
20% off rooms at the stylish (non-strip club) pride of Long Island City, the Z New York Hotel, when you book between the cutesy window of 2:20 a.m. and 2:20 p.m. on Cyber Monday. Good for stays Jan. 1-March 31, use promo code CYBR (zhotelny.com).
San Diego
15% off in the form of a top-secret booking code when you follow and hashtag the folks at the freshly reno'd and harbor-peeping Manchester Grand Hyatt on Cyber Monday: @ManchGrandHyatt. Code valid for stays through Dec. 30 (manchestergrand.hyatt.com).
Europe
$100 off Rail Europe passes — including Global (first-class choo-choo chicness in over 20 Euro countries) and Select (national rail access when you travel between three, four or five contiguous countries) — when you use code CYBER2013 at checkout. Also, if you book a Trenitalia ticket, they'll throw in a Vatican/Rome City Card (fast acccess to museums, the Sistine Chapel, St. Peter's Basilica, etc.), worth over $130. For that, use code ROMEFREE. Purchase through Dec. 6 (raileurope.com).
Utah
Free room upgrade at the Red Mountain Resort in St. George when you book their popular Essential Retreat package on Monday and only on Monday. Includes three purportedly good-for-you meals a day, guided hikes, fitness classes, healthy cooking demos and other life-extending stuff. Use code UPGRADE when you book, good for travel through Feb. 20, 2014 (redmountainresort.com).
Cambridge, Mass.
20% off best available rate at The Charles Hotel all day Monday. And you thought you got smarter staying at a Holiday Inn Express last night — this place is based in Harvard Square. Exercise those smarts and book specifically between 11 a.m.-12 p.m. On Monday (EST) and they're knock off a full 50%! No promo code needed; food for travel through March 31, 2014 (charleshotel.com).
Photo: Charles Hotel
Chicago
Book two, get three nights at the Gold Coast-squatting Thompson Chicago. The Cyber Monday deal includes a triplet of nights in Superior King digs, private transpo to and fro the airport and a "special welcome amenity" — book anytime from Dec. 2-9 to find out what it is! (No spoilers.) Total 3-night package price tag reads only $549 — take it up a notch in the Penthouse Loft Suite for $899. Use promo code CYBERM2013; valid for stays Dec. 2-Feb. 28 (thompsonchicago.com).
New York
Up to 40% off the pamptastic Guerlain Spa inside the Waldorf Astoria when you book any oh Cyber Monday's 24 hours/ Save $100 on 50-minute Swedish massages and Radiance facials, complimentary Guerlain Revitalizing Super Aqua eye mask, champagne and get 30 percent off gift cards over $250 (mathemagically, a $250 gift card would be $175, e.g.). The gift cards must be redeemed by June 1 (guerlainspas.com).
Tucson
$525 per person/per night for a casita-style room at the glossy trav mag and well-heeled hippie fave Miraval Arizona Resort & Spa, including $550 in resort credit, all healthy meals, smoothies and snacks courtesy of Executive Chef Justin Macy (sahwy, booze is extra), unlimited participation in self-discovery activities, access to the gym and new Life in Balance Spa, free shuttling from the airport or free valet parking if you drive yourself. Stay a t least three nights through April 30. Book Dec. 2-6 (miravalresorts.com).
San Juan
30% off everybody's favorite nunnery-turned-Small Luxury Hotel of the World, El Convento, one of the highlight's of old town. That translates to only $180 a night for ASAP stays through Dec. 2-20 — and you have to book it Monday by dialing 787-723-9020.
Worldwide
10% off "Express Deals" coupon when you book two nights or longer at 2+-star hotels on Priceline come Cyber Monday. Use code CYBER13. Also available that day: knock 50% off all flights for travel before Dec. 15, or enjoy $3/day bonus cash sale when you rent a car if you're fan enough to subscribe to Priceline's newsletter. The house that Shatner built is also offering a Holiday Hotel Sale, good for stays before Feb. 15, which knocks 25 percent off thousands of hotels when booked by Dec. 15 (priceline.com).
Cancun
30% off rooms at the (forgive its tinkering in progress) JW Marriott Cancun Resort & Spa, sinking starting rates to $146. Valid for travel Dec. 3-April 12. Use code 16C, Sunday or Monday, to book (jwmarriottcancun.com).
New York
$199 and up at the New York Hilton Midtown or, for another 30 clams, the Waldorf Astoria — cray low for this time of year. You have from Cyber Monday to Dec. 6 to make rezzies (HiltonNYCCyberWeek.com).
Nationwide
Discounts at Benchmark Resorts & Hotels on the cheap this Cyber Monday: Turtle Bay in Oahu, Chaminade Resort & Spa in Cali, Cheyenne Mountain Resort in Colorado, Jackson Hole's Snow King Resort, the Scottsdale Resort, Eldorado Hotel & Spa in New Mexico, the Hotel Contessa in San Antonio, Tennessee's Chattanoogan Hotel, Virginia's Inn at Virginia Tech, West Virginia's Stonewall Resort, Chicagoland's Eaglewood Resort & Spa and Florida's Bonaventure Resort & Spa are all offering a little somethin' somethin'; pick a card, any card (BenchmarkCyberMonday.com). Ditto for Personal Luxury Resorts and Hotels: All five in Florida, the Inn at Rancho Sante Fe in San Diego, Bardessono in Napa, Willows Lodge in Washington's wine country and, last but not least, Seattle's Hotel 1000 and Sorrento Hotel (PersonalLuxuryCyberMonday.com).
Florida
50% off all rooms at the Tommy Bahama-motifed (in a good way) Jupiter Beach Resort & Spa for stays Jan. 2-March 3. Book Sunday or Monday; use code CYBER when you do (jupiterbeachresort.com).
Dominican Republic
50% off at the quiet peninsula-occupying and Small Luxury Hotels of the World card-carrying Sublime Samana, known for its healthy addiction to pools. Travel by Dec. 20, 2014 (sublimesamana.com).
Aruba
Buy three, get six nights at the Marriott Resort & Stellaris Carino in high rise-happy Palm Beach. Book Sunday or Monday using promo code D52. Stay April 20-Nov. 22 (arubamarriott.com).
Panama
75% off rooms at the Westin Playa Bonita in Panama City — talk about a love canal, amirite? Travel through Dec. 2 of next year, offer starts Black Friday (westinplayabonita.com).
New York
25% off rooms at self-proclaimed LGBT-friendly "urban resort" The Out NYC — for better or worse based in Times Square, so at least the urban part is spot on — when you book Cyber Monday. Includes a $20 voucher for the spa, two tickets to the off-Broadway show "Hot Mess Drag Revue," two cocktails on arrival. Stay Jan. 2-March 20 (theoutnyc.com/specials).
Dixie
30% off best available rates at 14 Marriott resorts in Florida and South Carolina, with the lowest starting at a hyper-modest $90. Book Monday only using promo code 16C. Stay windows vary by resort, but plan on somewhere in the now-ish Dec. 1-Jan. 12 range (marriott.com/resortcybersale).
Curacao
45% off the Santa Barbara Beach & Golf Resort in the Caribbean's Deep South when you opt for all-inclusive — 35% off if you go the a la carte route. Book Monday only using code CYBERMON; travel through Christmas eve of next year (santabarbararesortcuracao.com).
Orlando
$79 and up at the Hilton Orlando Lake Buena Vista, now an "official" hotel of Walt Disney World — you go, girl — when you book your vacation on Monday (orlandolakebuenavista.hilton.com).
Anguilla
40% off at the CuisinArt Golf Resort & Spa when you book a Junior Suite (which drops it down to $395, a bargain 'round these parts this time of year) when you book on Monday, but you have to travel by Dec. 20 of this year (cuisinartresort.com).
Washington, Conn.
10% bonus to any gift certificate you purchase Monday for the Mayflower — now officially a Grace Hotel as of last August — set on 58 blue-blooded acres less than two hours from NYC. No limit on the gift certificate's value, usable on spa, meals, accommo alike — so buy $1,000 worth, get $100 tacked on, and so on. Call 860-868-9466.
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