My First Time … Watching ‘Pet Sematary’

I consider myself a genuine fan of horror flicks. I'm that friend of yours who, at casual movie nights, eagerly suggests we watch something frightening, only to be met with perplexed looks and "I don't like scary movies" whines. Fiiine. I blame these sorts of friends for the reasoning behind why I've never seen Pet Sematary — a film that horror fans and haters alike have all somehow seen at least once since it's release in 1989. When I mentioned to my co-workers during an edit meeting that I'd be happy to watch Pet Sematary for our My First Time franchise, I was met with the same looks as when I suggest watching a horror movie to a group of people, except this time the response was, "How? How have you not seen this?"

Here's what I know: a happy family, the Creeds, moves into the house of their dreams, equipped with a very mysterious cemetery in the backyard. It might be worth mentioning that I haven't read the book either, so I guess I'm in for a real treat. Here it goes, Pet Sematary on a Saturday night in my apartment, 25 years after its release.

1:47: This wins the award for Best Movie Prop Ever. The Creeds just moved from Chicago to Maine into this big, new house and a cemetery for pets looms behind their house. It's spelled the way it's spelled because a bunch of kids are the ones who put the graveyard together.

13:00: I really don't think I'll be able to handle if this cat dies. His name is Winston Churchill, therefore he should be immortal.

18:30: Maybe it's time for some speed limit signs. So far it isn't made clear why tractor trailers recklessly storm through this sleepy town but the phenomenon has everyone and their pets ending up dead. This guy, Victor Pascow, got hit by a tractor trailer. On his deathbed, he seems to know all about Dr. Louis Creed and right before he croaks, he gets all weird with it.

41:30: This is Missy, the Creeds's housekeeper. Missy hated her life because she couldn't find a man. She also had gastrointestinal problems. Apparently they were worse than average.

45:00: Zelda, Rachel Creed's creepy sister who's now dead, is hands down, the most fighting part of this movie.

50:00: WHOA! Certainly wasn't expecting the kid to die. Like all little babies, Gage Creed is a wanderer, which ultimately decides his fate. Of course it isn't his fault though because Louis and Rachel are never watching this kid. Their neighbor, Jud, always has to point out that Gage is running amok near the road.

1:09:00: I can't handle much more of this Zelda thing. Whoever says old movies aren't scary hasn't seen Zelda in Pet Sematary. 

1:20:00: Holy hell, Gage has come back from the dead and he just sliced poor Jud's Achilles tendon. This is where I draw the line.

1:29:00: "Today is Thanksgiving Day for cats. But only cats who have come back from the dead." Let it be known that Louis Creed has delivered the greatest piece of dialogue in horror movie history.

1:37:00: This guy just doesn't get it. Even after he brought back a killer cat and then his killer son, Louis is still gung ho about bringing his wife, Rachel, back to life. After she got murdered by their killer son.

1:39:00: And on that note…

Final Thoughts: Even though Pet Cemetery was released 25 years ago it still scared the bejesus out of me. Stephen King's story didn't feel the slightest bit dated and the story of the Creeds is not one to watch by yourself. One piece of advice to take away from this movie: never bury your dead pets, dead children, or dead wife on cursed Indian burial grounds. They will come back to haunt you and then kill you.

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Photos: Everett Collection, Amazon Instant Video

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