Do You Also Have An Epic Love/Hate Relationship With â€˜House Huntersâ€™?

Earlier this week, my colleagues asked which show I wished I could binge-watch on Netflix and I bluntly answered, House Hunters.

I am obsessed with House Hunters. I adore House Hunters: International. I marvel at the occasional House Hunters: Renovation. I even sometimes watch Beachfront Bargain Hunt (which is like a chiller version of House Hunters that's all about buying cheap vacation homes). I just love watching people visit three houses I could never afford and hearing them complain about why none of them is perfect.

I also absolutely hate it.

Let me explain: I have a deep, passionate love/hate relationship with HGTV's House Hunters empire.

Here's what I love about House Hunters:

I love all the real estate stuff. I grew up in a five bedroom colonial in suburban Delaware until I was 17, and since then, I have bounced in and out of overpriced apartments in Boston, London, and New York City. I have never known the sweet glory of owning my own home and sometimes I fear I never will. A detached home with its own laundry room looks like Heaven on Earth to me. So, I get off on seeing all the different layouts of homes, learning about various real estate markets, and seeing all the different options that would be available to me if I was a Kindergarten teacher in Minneapolis getting ready to settle down with my paralegal husband — and not a 29-year-old single entertainment writer living in Washington Heights. I just like looking at houses, man!

I love the show's announcer. I don't know who this woman is, but she speaks like a soothing robot lady. I like it.

I love getting a voyeuristic peek into the lives of other people. Man, people are weird, right? And every couple has their own weird drama. House Hunters shows us so many couples that either shouldn't be together in the first place or have no idea why they are together.

For instance, there's an episode on Hulu right now about a couple looking for their first home. Here is their nonsensical meet-cute:

Soothing Robot Lady Announcer: Chris, a lawyer, and Tara, a fourth grade teacher, met at a housewarming party she threw five years ago.

Chris: Tara was showing me where I could put the drinks and I was admiring the new place, and I said something to the effect of-

Tara: Super cute plaaaaaace!

Chris: (nervous laughter) Yeah.

Tara: And I knew then that we had the same language.

Chris: Same vocabulary.

The couple that speaks English together will always stay together, right?

I love hating everything else about the show. I mean that. Everything else that I love about House Hunters is connected to the catharsis I feel when I scream at the television. What am I yelling about? Well…

Here's what I hate about House Hunters:

I hate the dum-dums on the show. 95% of the people on House Hunters are dum-dums who don't understand how real estate works or what compromise is. Words can not express the jealousy and rage I feel when I see a pair of these idiots complain that they don't like a house because of the paint, or vinyl flooring, or the size of the backyard, or because of where the laundry machine is located, etc. If, like me, you've spent your adult life in metropolitan apartments, you know that beggars can't be choosey. Walls can be repainted and a backyard is a luxury. I want to shake these people and tell them that it's the bones of a house and its location that matter! Everything else is easy to fix and update over time! ALSO, YOU ARE ABOUT TO OWN A HOUSE. Equity is a dream for me and my friends.

I hate how obviously fixed the show is. Oh, you didn't know House Hunters is fixed? Well, the rumor is that the show's producers find people who are already about to make an offer on a house. They then get a real estate broker to show the buyers their home, plus two houses that they are not buying. So, basically, the clients are pretending to make a decision. IT'S A FARCE! HOW DARE THEY?

I don't understand what's so important about double sinks. Call me old-fashioned, but back in my day (i.e. growing up with older sisters, living in the dorms, sharing apartments with roommates), I shared a single sink vanity with multiple other women. Was it ever a problem? Not really. Did we need another sink? No. Do you know what we always did need? MORE COUNTER SPACE. I realize that it's a convenient luxury to have double sinks in a master bathroom, but when did it become such an on-trend feature? Like, when did every couple under the age of 35 just get a memo that told them they couldn't live without a double sink? Because I never got it. I would like more storage space and counter space. You can tease me in the comments, all you want. My friends do. In fact, it is a well-known joke amongst my best friends that I don't get double sinks.

That it's not on Netflix. I hate, hate, hate that I can't stream any episode of House Hunters anytime I want. Right now, HGTV only lets Hulu show a select few at a time, and you can't even stream them on a Roku device.

I hate how much I love House Hunters. I love it, you guys. I really, really do. And don't even get me started on House Hunters International…

Stream House Hunters [Hulu]

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